17 Comments
User's avatar
Mimi Bordeaux's avatar

Yes

I know how to use alliteration too and manipulate the dictionary

Fun hey?

But what are you saying here?

Do you understand the concept of giving out enough emotional intelligence and feeling without smothering the piece?

Using over grown utilities such as a painted brush like a stab at the parchment so quickly it misses the point of why it was written in the first place.

Ah well. Cheers

MIMI BORDEAUX

Neth Williams's avatar

Congratulations! This is a great go.

Neth Williams's avatar

I'm glad to see you back. Had me worried.

Paul Dotta's avatar

I liked it! The imagery and the pictures.

Debdutta Pal's avatar

Fiction and I have been on a break. This story just cured me. 🖤

Black Coffee Creative's avatar

I thought this might pique your interest. You've been a fiction connoisseur for years.

Rea de Miranda's avatar

This is sublime writing!

Chelsea Nelthropp's avatar

Wow!! Love seeing this new style. You’ve got a knack for flash.

Black Coffee Creative's avatar

Pretty much just poetry, with more filler, and more editing 🤮🤮🤮

User's avatar
Comment removed
Feb 6
Comment removed
Mimi Bordeaux's avatar

You sound like a moron

User's avatar
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Feb 9
Comment removed
Mimi Bordeaux's avatar

Well everyone will know exactly what you are now won't they SEXIST CREEPY AND SEEDY BUT THINKS HE IS OH. NO NO NO

Mimi Bordeaux's avatar

URGH repugnant sezist bumzip go awry please

Adrião Pereira da Cunha's avatar

This story feels like stepping into someone’s private hallucination, where the crack in the wall becomes a doorway into everything he’s avoided feeling.

The woman in the blue-lit room isn’t just a stranger she’s the embodiment of every moment he watched instead of lived, every intimacy he consumed without offering himself.

The colors, the concrete, the cigarette all create a world suspended between desire and dread, a place where nothing is warm and everything is exposed.

Her stillness carries a frightening kind of power, as if she’s been waiting for him without ever acknowledging his existence.

The narrative reveals how voyeurism grows from old wounds childhood moments of witnessing pain without understanding or belonging.

When she finally turns toward him, the balance collapses; the watcher becomes the one stripped bare, caught in the light he thought he controlled.

Her touch and words feel like a reckoning, a mirror held up to the parts of him he’s spent a lifetime keeping in the dark.

The dissolving room suggests this encounter is happening inside him, a collapse of memory, guilt, and longing into one surreal confrontation.

The multiplying women feel like ghosts of his past, returning not as fantasies but as truths he can no longer outrun.

In the end, the story reads like a haunting self‑reckoning a man swallowed by the very gaze he once believed belonged only to him.

Black Coffee Creative's avatar

AI-generated comments are super lame, and super obvious.